I awake late, I feel there is a reason to say something. In our society, assimilation is how we as an individual move forward in society. As we grow, so does that need to be apart of the common consensus. Assimilation starts far before we are aware of it, I would even say it starts with speech and understanding one another. That is not all together bad, I believe that understanding one another, connecting on a human level is vital to our survival. Here is what I noticed as well, we are also anxious to become apart of the culture if it get us ahead of others. There is so many of us in vocations that are not own. Pursuit of a lifestyle that sings of comfort and security. This is what I have a problem. These aspects of society that I coaxed into believing, turn out to be myth. There is no such thing as security, when it is not something that is not true heart. No such thing as comfort if there is a certain amount you will every other Friday. That is a form of control in order to keep you there, to keep you making the corporation profit. Then the things that you think you can buy, consumerism, it controls what kind of power a person has. Instead investing that money into something that you want to do, you invest into people that already has there goal achieved, and is achieving it through you.
I gain no satisfaction in writing this truth. I pray and hope that I could just live happy, working a simple job making adequate salary. However, I know myself. My inner-being will not let that be. I cannot be under submission of a place I truly do not care about. However, the people that can do this, I look up to you. I am inspired by you, because it is not easy. To assimilate oneself to care about something that truly is not yours. This is usually done for unselfish reasons. Therefore, I look at these people that work at Wal-Mart, McDonald’s, K-Mart and such and say, you are what gives the society that we live in. Thank you, sir.
I look at my art and say, that it is not important, yet it is not true. If that was true I would not of produced it in the first place. I believe this, because frankly I have low self-esteem and I do not believe in myself. I do not believe that I can do great things, because I know of no one that has done so, no one that is tangible at least. I believe this, therefore it is true. Things are only tangible and real if you truly believe them. As I write on my laptop, I have to understand that this writing program, this Operating System, hardware, was all apart of some else imagination. Prior to being thought up, it did not exist. The person, or people believed in a vision, a dream. They themselves sought to make this vision a real thing.
For myself alone, I look at these truths, and I say to myself, ‘I create my own realities’, no one else. If there is something I believe to be true, then I must make that happen, no matter the circumstance. I have to do this for myself, because no one else is going to look at my truth the same way I do. I spend much time trying to convince others to believe in my dreams. I have not put much time in to believing in it myself. There is nothing to be gained from working a job, that i do not care about, and then neglecting my own creations. It does not work for me. That is a Living Hell that I choose to get out of. I create my own Heaven and Hell with the time I have living here. I do not care for either one, however I wish to speak my mind. As I write this, it sounds terrible, because I know what good writing is, and this is not it. Same with my art, I know what good art is, and it is not it. But neglecting my passion does not make them better, but the opposite.
I know I that I want to become better at my craft, how it is done is by producing shit, and watching masters do their work. I understand that a was not always a master, but was me at a point. And at this point where I am, decided to say ‘Fuck it, I am going to do what I want’, maybe not in those same words, but I sure the similar. I am a creative and no can take this away, except myself. I am better than I realize, and I further away from my Perfection than what is seen. There is no peak, no cap, no ceiling on what I can imagine, only hard work, and producing shit along the way. The crap I produce, gives me the steps towards where I want to be. I shouldn’t give, I will not give up. Not for lack of trying, but rather I cannot escape who I am, because everyday I am. Yes, it is terrible writing that most won’t even bother to read, yet I am determined to go farther than what I am.